For My Sisters Who March and Those That Won't, I Love You.

What does it mean for your identity to be in Christ? Does it mean that you look to Him for peace, love, validation, guidance, comfort and acceptance? Or, does it mean you look to the person sitting next to you at church for peace, love, validation, guidance, acceptance and comfort? As a young girl with an inherited belief in God I understood it to be the first, an internal relationship with Jesus that led my external actions. However, that's not the way I lived it. I looked at my peers, my parents, and my camp counselors for acceptance. Because my identity was so deeply "in Christ" I had not developed a sense of self outside of the church. I felt that without the acceptance of the church I was nothing. If I wasn't the first one at church events to help set-up and the last to leave, I was failing. If I didn't get camper of the week and memorize the most scripture, I was nothing. If I wasn't shunning my friends for cursing, drinking and smoking pot, I was nothing. I wore the "persecution" badge with honor.  Afterall, I am NOT ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ even it means losing popularity points with outsiders. I felt I couldn't be weak because if I was, what was I? Probably a sinner. The church didn't really like sinners. At least, that's what the mathematics of human behavior lead me to believe. It wasn't until later in my life when a friend whom I looked up to said the simple words "You don't have to believe in God for me to love you" did I even realize what I was doing. It was that moment that my whole world and understanding of the world up to that point completely shattered. "Wait, so I could not believe in God and you would still welcome me into your home? You would still be my friend? You would still accept me? I would still have value?" That was the very first time I saw genuine, no-strings-attached face of God and felt His freedom and let me tell you,  it shook me to my core. It took me weeks to totally understand what those 12 words actually meant to me. When you have spent your entire life wearing rose colored glasses and then someone takes them off for you, EVERYTHING is different. Things become more clear, more pure, and so much more beautiful. Things I "knew" to be true, understandings I had of the world were now different. What I had to do from that point was rebuild myself one block at a time. Each of those blocks was a value, a belief or an understanding. I would hold each block in my hand, examine it and decide if it was a block worth standing on or if it was only an illusion to begin with. Everything I believed about God was prayed over, studied, and examined in my heart and spirit. I took away much of the easy and added the meaningful. This is not to say the church isn't a beautiful place full of genuine and loving people. This is me saying, this happened to me.

This brings me to the Women's March and Facebook. Oh for pete's sake, Facebook! The bain of our current culture! The women's moment of 2017 is so much more than many even can understand. I consider myself to be a fairly intelligent person (aside from the grammatical areana). However, even I cannot understand fully what this march really means for our culture and the world going forward. I can tell you this though, it's important. Women, of all colors and economic backgrounds, are still treated as less in many many ways.

I am an educated white woman raised in a peaceful and grounded home. I was always treated as though I was a person of fairly equal value. I married a man who believes that I am smart and have value inside and outside of our home. I have an understanding and ability to teach my sons that they are equal to not better than women. I am privileged. I know that. In many ways that was handed to me but also in some ways I had to fight for it. Where I grew up I can recount dozens of stories where I was led to believe that my opinion didn't count. I was a woman, I should just shut up and leave the heavy lifting of intellectual matters to the men. I got jobs in the Christian world where I was paid less and told "we look at this job as your Christian service" yet I knew that the men doing the same "sacrifice of Christian service" got paid more than me and were often heard more than me too. I sat at the same table at meetings and heard my ideas and opionions ignored until a man said it. I heard my solutions to issues at hand mocked even when in the end they were the right ones. Even a couple of months ago I had a realitor show up for a meeting and completely and unapologetically dismiss me because my husband wasn't there to "understand the important matters." I was told I was a slut when a married man repeatedly made moves on me. Not him. No, he was "hurting and a bit lost." I was told by someone I considered to be a good friend that I would never have a happy marriage because I'm too bold and my confidence was intimidating to Christian men. What he meant was be smaller. Say less. BE less.

Truth be told, I don't even know the half of it. However, the beautiful thing about empathy is that I don't have to have gone through it to have it move me. I have seen my sisters, my friends, raised in poverty of various sorts told they were only as good as the services they provide men or their community. They were not given the opportunities or a belief in their abilities. If you don't understand what I'm talking about, perhaps you should consider yourself very very very blessed. Take a deep breath. Thank God for knowing what its like to be valued and then go meet someone outside of your circle and get to know them. I guarantee you'll be enlightened to the suffering of others.

I saw on Facebook how many of my Christian sisters were annoyed because of the "tantrums" of Liberal women. "Just being plain disrespectful." I saw someone say they would gladly revoke their woman card if it meant not killing unborn babies. I saw many posts about how despicable it was for christians to be a part of this stance. Friends, sisters, fellow followers of Christ, THIS IS BIGGER than one issue. If you can agree that women are treated as less but refuse to stand with movement because it's against your religious views to support abortion then I'm afraid you're missing the point. Yes, abortion is a matter of the movement of women wanting the ultimate say over their own bodies but it's not the only one. I do not support abortion but that does not mean that I will not stand for my sisters in other ways that ALSO matter. Stand with us. Hold our hands as we raise women who know their power and strength. Help us eliminate culture's need for abortion. I mean, if that's the cross you are willing to die on, then make it count. I can guarantee that you were not in 100% agreement with everything your candidate stood for, no matter who you voted for. We are a people made up of so much complexity and beauty. Nothing is black and white.  Life is not a single issue ballot. You saying that you don't support the march is a bit like looking broken hearted women in the eye and saying, God probably loves you. Friend, maybe you're just not there yet. Maybe you're still afraid of what your pastor might think of you if you stand with us. Maybe you're worried that your family will look down on you because of it. I'm telling you as your sister, that it's okay.  I'll march for you until you can march for you too. I don't judge you. I'm not mad at you. I love you.

Frankly, I know this will be unpopular. I have the minority voice in my own family. That's okay with me though. I see this as a matter of understanding. I don't believe that there are women out there disputing another woman's value. I do however feel that we're not making the effort to look one another in the eye and say, tell me your pain, and let me carry your struggle too. Because I know that a stronger you is a stronger us.

Please know that I'm not trying to cause argument or disdain. I am trying to shine a light and encourage understanding. It is only in the empathy that comes from understanding will we ever move forward. I love God. I love Jesus. I love the church. I love my family. I love my sisters. I love my brothers. I love the stranger, the other. I know that what's best for my community is what's best for my family. Because when we're doing good and looking at the other to understand, how could that ever be wrong?