I used to think that my parents were so overprotective about certain things and they were so paranoid for worrying about some stuff. But now that I'm a mother and I have the most fragile part of my heart invested in the life of another being, I get it. Thinking about it now, there are some things that my parents let me do that make me think, "WHAT WERE THEY ON TO ALLOW ME TO DRIVE ALONE IN THE DOMINICAN REPUBLIC AT 17?" That's not even the half of it. I never had a curfew. As long as I told them where I was going and what time I'd be back or at least promised to call if plans changed, I could stay out as long as I wanted. My parents gave me the gift of trust. I now understand how difficult that is/was/will be. I'm not a worrier. I generally am good at trusting that life is in God's hands. However, I think a worry gene was implanted in me the moment my son was a twinkle in my eye. I used to roll my eyes when my parent's would call me when I was in college and their first question was, "Amy, where are you?" and I generally responded with a vague, "Just hanging with some friends, Dad." Then it came in a more serious tone, "Amy Katie. What state are you in?" insert eye-roll. "Ugh, Florida... AND I'M FINE!" I see now why my dad started getting grey hair the day I asked if I could get my license. They knew they were done for. A job. A car. My parents living in another country. No one could contain me. Except class skips. But I was smart, I would save up all my class skips and run them together with a long break like, fall break or thanksgiving break and I would be gone for two weeks when everyone else was gone for only one. I would eat nasty cafeteria food when my friends ate out and saved every penny I could. Then I'd buy a plane ticket or a couple tanks of gas and just take off. This quickly became a habit. I was fiercely independent. As a parent now I don't know how mine were able to keep their heads on straight with me. Granted, I did very little to ever make them question my competence. I was, for the most part, a good kid. I was the kid that my friend's parents would call and tell me to keep an eye on their kid (who was usually my age or very close) at the party. I credit this good behavior to the way they trusted me. As an adult, I'm so grateful to my parents for how they raised me. Being given their trust made me believe that I was trustworthy and thus I felt I could make good decisions. My parents weren't afraid that I would come home drunk, pregnant, or not at all. They knew I would come home at the time I said with my whole self intact. Now as a parent, I think they were complete lunatics. And I'm so glad they were. Because I was given that trust, because I had a great amount of freedom within a very stern structure, I never felt the need to rebel (except that one time that I harmlessly dyed part of my hair blue). I knew that if I did screw up and break their trust, it would be a big deal and hell hath no furry like a parent's trust scorned. I equally respected and was terrified of my parents. I can see why it's so hard to do this. I get why so many parents smother their kids and I also get why those kids act the way they do the moment they are out of their parent's sight.
My parents were never perfect but the courage it takes to trust your child and the Lord can sometimes feel like the hardest thing you'll ever do in your whole life. I pray that I can learn from my parents and have that same courage, raise my son to be trustworthy and to have a faith so strong that I can let him go into the arms of the world because I know the Lord of the universe loves my baby boy a thousand times more than I ever could. I am so thankful that He does.
