When I first moved to Cincinnati I was working at Starbucks. Every morning around 7:10 am there was a regular who would come through the drive-thru. I nicknamed her Chatty Cathy because she was very opinionated and liked to gossip about the daily news. She was often funny and I enjoy our brief chats. However, this one particular morning she spouted off about "the terrible mother" who left her 1 year old baby girl in her car. That baby girl died. Chatty Cathy continued about how that mother should go to jail for what she did and that some people just shouldn't be parents, etc. Yada yada yada. I felt a fire rage up inside of me and my eyes started to tear up. In a split second I knew that if I said what I was about to say that I would probably be fired. It didn't matter to me. I had to stand up for her. While I don't remember the exact words I spouted off it was something along the lines of, "Cathy, please stop. Please stop saying such awful things about someone and something you don't know. That terrible mother that you speak of is a dear friend of my mother's. I was up half the night comforting and grieving with my mother. This is above all a horrible, terrible, unbearable tragedy. That woman was a better mother to that baby girl than many children could ever dream of. Do you not think she has paid the ultimate price for this? She will wake up tomorrow knowing that her baby girl will not be there and spend the rest of her life blaming herself. Isn't that awful enough?" She paused and stared at me with wide eyes before she looked away. Just when I was expecting her to ask for my boss, she hung her head and apologized.
You see, even before I was a mother, even before I came home to find my mom sobbing in the kitchen that day, hearing this story was like a dagger piercing my heart. I visualized how it must have felt seeing your child like that. I hugged my mom and we cried together. What a horrific thing to have happened.
I felt the very same way when I learned of the events Saturday May 28th at the Cincinnati Zoo when a boy slipped away and his 4-year-old-fearless-curiosity led him to fall 15 ft. into the Gorilla enclosure. A happy day out at the zoo turned into a nightmare in a matter of seconds. While I don't know this family, I don't need to to imagine the heart wrenching events of those moments. Social media has made it so easy for people to let their imaginations fill in the blanks and assume the mother was off painting her nails or writing up her grocery list in the back corner while she let her 4 year old run free. I'm sorry, have you ever been to the zoo on a Saturday? It's crazy!
When I saw this news on Facebook less than an hour after it happened the story said the Gorilla was only tranquilized and people were already commenting about how terrible it is to let your child out of your sight and how neglectful and how charges should be pressed. Then when the news said that the endangered Gorilla had been killed I saw comments like, "the zoo should sue the family."
What if it were you? You hold your camera up to take a picture for 3 seconds then you look down and your son, nephew or grandson is gone. Panic mode sets in. Your heart races. Your eyes go over every inch of view. Usually they are three feet away looking at a bug on the ground or something of the sort. But today, it's not three feet. It's not a bug. This could have happened to me a hundred different ways and a hundred different times. I have a very curious, fearless and adventurous 4 year old boy myself. What if, instead of coming home after a long day at the zoo I ended up shaken at the hospital thanking my lucky stars that the 15 ft fall alone didn't kill my baby or that he didn't drown or much much worse. What if, when I took my baby home from the hospital there were reporters standing outside my door asking questions that are already haunting me? What it every time I turned on the tv or got on my computer people were saying awful things about me? People who don't know me saying I never should have been a mother in the first place? A simple day at the zoo went from 0-100 in 3 seconds flat. This should never have happened. Absolutely. But it did. A huge accident with a tragic outcome.
I saw on Facebook just now that a petition to hold the family accountable for the death of Harambe the Gorilla had gotten 10,000 signatures before 5 pm. I love animals. I always have. It's a trait my father shared with us as children. His pets saved his life and were his only friends for many years as a sick child. I love animals. The first time I went to the zoo I couldn't bare it. I cried seeing the animals in cages wanting them to be free. The same feeling overwhelmed me as an adult visiting the zoo. I am deeply sorrowful over this Gorilla's life being taken. I know his zoo family loved him deeply. Not only that but our planet lost one of it's few of his kind. It's tragic. Heartbreakingly tragic. This mother did not wake up yesterday planning for this to happen. Yet it did. This was an accident. I beg of you, don't sign the petition. Put yourself in the family's shoes. I'm sure they are embaraced, heartbroken, scared, shaken up. This will be a nightmare they have for the rest of their lives. Have compassion. Be kind. Let the zoo leadership and the family work it out.
I don't know if this family was from Cincinnati or if they were out-of-towners visiting our gorgeous and beloved zoo. However, if they are from our fair city it's all the worse for the things we are saying. They are one of us. They could be our neighbors, friend from work, a mom we've gone on play dates with, a family from our school. They are ours. Instead of aiming our hurtful words against them let us wrap our healing arms around them and our city's zoo family and say, "This was awful. We grieve with you. How can we make this city safer for our families and our animals? How can we help?" Is that not the kind of city/world you want to live in? Social media is dangerous and I hope none of us have our heartbreak laid out for all to judge and comment on. Remember, your words matter whether they come from your lips or your fingertips. Don't be a bully, be a friend. Isn't that what we would ask for?
Remember, "You know nothin', Jon Snow."
